Honestly, that is the only review this movie deserves. But I’m going to take the high road and actually give it a proper review.
The “plot” involves a gaggle of High School seniors taking a cruise to New York City as a celebration of their recent graduation. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Back in Crystal Lake, two of said students are having their own personal party on a boat and happen to dock just outside the cursed “Camp Blood.” Directly below them, Jason is still trapped under the collapsed dock from PART VII (even though that was nowhere near the camp in the previous entry). Continuity-smontinuity!
Thank God the two lovers postpone their coitus to drop the anchor, which conveniently grapples onto an underwater power line that also conveniently runs directly under our beloved masked maniac. What do you know, but that darn anchor causes a short circuit, which resurrects Jason (Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that how they killed the shark in JAWS 2?).
Anywho, Jason kills the lovers, commandeers the yacht and then pilots it to the party ship as it clears mooring. Evidently Crystal Lake connects to the Atlantic Ocean. Logic-schmologic!
Jason then walks freely around the party boat and kills, kills and then kills some more. Until they arrive in New York toward the end of the movie. Yes folks, it takes most of the movie before Jason actually “Takes” Manhattan; something that has rankled fans since its release. The film then turns into an extended chase sequence as the last two generic survivors flee from Jason through the VERY crowded streets of New York. Jason seems obsessed with killing only them even though there is a literal smorgasbord of people within arms reach to slay.
I won’t ruin the ending…Actually, I will. They kill Jason with toxic waste. It’s as stupid as it sounds.
JASON TAKES MANHATTAN contains some of the sketchiest acting in the series, sub-par Make-up FX and barely any nudity. What’s most egregious is that it’s also the longest entry at 100min! Skip this one. I suffered through it for you. Your welcome.
BTW: The ONLY reason I’m giving this movie a half reel is that I don’t want you to think I forgot to rate it and assume it might have earned more.

OCTOBER 30, 2013


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